The idiots doing it

These muppets ought to be able to put up a pretty good fight...

So who are these fine athletes, taking their bodies to the edge of human endurance in the name of charidee? I am not sure. But if they don’t make it, then these 4 will have to make do:

Team 1: Qin & Ben:
QIN:
Qin ‘self professed geography expert’ Wiseman is a great walloping specimen of a man but there’s more than corduroy sports jackets and leather elbow patches to this Surrey teacher. Nicknamed ‘Buzz Lightyear’ by his students, if he can be levered away from his boarding house, a mountain or the rugby pitch, there lies no better team player.

What skills he may lack in sculling, personal admin and organisation (we remain in awe of Simon's work on this one) the man heartily compensates for it in endurance, spirit and a fantastically large pair of thighs.

Not one to shy away from Simon's over active imagination and participate in what was deemed as ‘pleasant to do on a long weekend’, this latest 140 mile hair-brained scheme is set to challenge the boundaries of friendship but somehow still combines Qin’s three big loves; exercise, challenge and exercise.

A penchant for the cold Kent sea, Qin has been voted most likely to swim the final leg, whilst dragging his team members along in the boat. Like a loyal spaniel to the MeRANder 2008 boys, don’t get in the way of the final goal; lots of money for charity and a triumphant round of buca’s at Putney Rowing Club - and yes the big man will be thirsty – so if he asks you to join him in a beverage, I would swiftly oblige.

BEN:
Ben, or "Wet Pants" to give him his official title (who lays up on a par 3 pitch and putt eh?) is like a caged tiger, so eager is he to give the Thames a bit of a beasting. The veteran of a tour of duty in Basra, Old Father Thames has met his match in this man.

But far be it from me to give away the details of this man - his inner demons, his dark secrets and what exactly did happen that night in a Paris loo after the Rugby World Cup Final. Rather, I will leave the delightful Vix to let illuminate you still further...

It is a common misconception that the late great director Anthony Minghella was referring to the pinnacle of his career and the zenith of his achievement – the remarkable moment that constitutes winning an Oscar – when he said that it was a “great day for the Isle of Wight”. In actual fact, he must have been referring to the momentous day, nearly 30 years ago now, when Benjamin Lionel Tomlison “ The Chin” Hayward popped into the world, ginger of hair and loud of lung.

Never one to sit still, Ben spent the next twenty-something years hopping between the Island and the Mainland and taking part in any form of challenge, sport or generally competitive physical activity he could find. Whether it was sailing, rugby, cycling or hiking, Ben threw himself into it with vigour, courage and more than a touch of insanity. With Superman-like skills – the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound; a penchant for lycra and showing people his underpants – he conquered all that he faced until one day, having run out of daft things to do, he decided to go and play with tanks in Germany and Iraq. Not content with live warfare for excitement, Ben interspersed the arduous years of getting blind drunk with his mates, by skiing competitively or breaking bones (bicycles are for flat surfaces, not staircases Hayward).

It seemed a logical conclusion, therefore, that on leaving the cavalry, Ben jumped straight on board with Garnett’s hair-brained scheme, pausing only to grab his lycra.Personally, I think the boy is one sandwich short of a picnic. But there’s no doubt that, when he rows into Putney on 1st June, it will be another great day for the Isle of Wight.

Team 2: Matt & Simon:
MATT:
“Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods? Where’s the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn’t there a white Knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need. I need a hero!”

Well don’t worry Bonnie – I’ve got your man. And his name is Matt.

Half Welsh (well maybe...and a bonus for Bonnie if it is true), Matt has always been “in touch”. The only man I know who regularly walks around with Lip Balm and Moisturiser on a daily basis, team 2 will never be caught short in a chapping/chafing related incident. Indeed, there are rumours that the only reason he agreed to take part was because of the mountains of Vaseline he knows will be available.

We have sweated a little on Matt’s inclusion as just in to the New Year, Matt had some serious knee surgery. But as the veteran of marathons, half marathons and a Windsor to Stroud bike ride, this wasn’t going to stop him and like the hero he is, Matt has valiantly got back on the horse, pounded out the miles and now looks fitter, leaner and meaner than anyone else on the crew (well, apart from Ben & Qin that is...).

It is a genuine pleasure to have Matt on board. He had never been in a skiff yet alone held some oars before the start of this challenge and yet has taken to it like a duck to water. I am sure that discussions over the nutritional value of dust and the colour of Gavin Henson’s skin will make the miles fly by – can’t wait...maybe...

SIMON:
There are those in life who are happy to bob along gently, living life in the slow lane, rarely stepping out of the comfort zone before it's back to a nice cup of Bovril in front of the Antiques Roadshow. And then, as far up the other end of the scale as he can get, there’s Simon. And perhaps Ben Fogle and James Cracknell.

Simon is enthusiasm in human form and the reason that we are even attempting this insanity is because of him. Thanks mate.

Having already rowed the length of the Thames 2 years ago with Will Christie and raised an astonishing amount for MSF, he is back for more (and this time it’s serious). Big Si (as he likes to be known) has organised this mission with military precision, been very charitable about his team mate's rather dubious skiffing skills and tirelessly encouraging in the face of the daunting amount of training necessary.

His energy and passion are incredible – when applied to sambuca shots or dancing to his ‘best of gay’ playlist, it can have disastrous results … but when it comes to challenges such as the one we are about to attempt, you could ask for no better man on your team. Well, perhaps one whose personal safety record doesn't rival that of your average central African airline.

I am genuinely really excited about taking on Garnetto's latest challenge, although as I have to spend half of it with him practically sitting in my lap, I'm just hoping that he doesn’t take a leaf out of the Cracknell/Fogle book and attempt to do the whole thing naked, which knowing him as I do, is a very real worry

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